When is failure a success?
The news that Wimbledon High School for Girls, one of the country’s top independent schools, is holding a Failure Week brings neatly into focus what many of us feel about failure. It has a knack of hanging around in our minds far more than do our successes. And many of us see failure only in negative terms
Yet, without failure as a comparison, how would we know what success was? And if we didn’t, as the school suggests we should, take calculated risks would we spend our lives wishing we had done differently, hearing that persistent internal refrain “if only” echoing in our ears?
Building resilience – which includes developing a way of managing our feelings about failure – is an essential life skill. Everyone is likely to face numerous setbacks and knocks in their personal and professional lives – in families, amongst friends or in business relationships – which affect not only those relationships but also their behaviour, self-esteem and confidence. Their feelings about failure might also cause anxiety, worry or depression; it might increase their fears; or lead to irritability, mood swings or insomnia.
What would happen, though, if you were to reframe failure, or setbacks, as feedback? You tried something; it didn’t go as hoped; the result was that you learned why it didn’t work – gaining valuable insights that can guide you towards approaching challenges differently. Looking at some simple examples:
- at school: not passing an exam also indicates what you are better at or that one way of revising is better than another;
- at home: not achieving everything on your weekend to-do list could be a sign that some things are unimportant and should rightfully be dropped;
- at work: not winning new business or losing a client provides a chance to identify strengths, show where training would reduce weaknesses, improve internal processes, or build dynamic teams.
As the headmistress of Wimbledon High School says, it is “acceptable, and completely normal, not to succeed at times in life”. She wants to encourage her pupils to be courageous and learn the positives that come from failures.
We agree. Many people define themselves by their perceived failures rather than viewing them simply as part of life’s learning or refining process. By actively encouraging people to see their failures differently, whether at school, at home or at work, they might be able to expand their capacity for growth and resilience instead of being limiting by the negatives.
If you would like to learn how to build resilience, through counselling or therapy, so you can face failure from a different viewpoint, do get in touch.
08/02/2012 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Why do people shoplift?
Celebrity chef Anthony Worrall Thompson’s arrest, then caution, about shoplifting from his local Tesco has already increased levels of awareness about the complex reasons why people steal.
In his statement, posted on his website he says he will seek treatment and, in his candid interview with the Daily Express, he says he knows there is more to this than a simple act of petty theft. On one occasion, he says, he “paid £180 for three crates of champagne and at the same time nicked £4 of stuff. How ridiculous and how stupid.”
It isn’t ridiculous or stupid. Many people with mental health problems act in a way that puts at risk, or destroys, aspects of their lives that are well-established and seem to be going well: careers or businesses, personal or professional reputations, personal or professional relationships.
These acts of self-sabotage might seem to be trivial; they could be extreme. It doesn’t matter. As Anthony Worrall Thompson’s situation shows, a small theft can be as devastating as engaging in massive fraud. Nor is it important what those acts are: turning up drunk at work, getting into too much debt, missing deadlines, repeated absenteeism, having affairs, and so on. The common factor is that they jeopardise apparently stable and successful situations.
It is the catalysts that are important, the underlying reasons for taking the risk.
Anthony Worrall Thompson has said that he has tried hard to think about why he acted as he did but is unable to come up with a reason. He recognises that self-analysis isn’t working and he is already seeking professional help.
The first step of any form of therapeutic treatment is to find out more about the underlying reasons, asking what the client feels about his or her life in general – and, in particular, what he or she felt just before taking the risky act – to find out if there were any specific areas of insecurity or dissatisfaction that triggered the behaviour.
Shoplifting is rarely as simple as a desperate need to relieve poverty. Its cause is usually highly complex – which is why retailers and police are sensitive in their approach, at least at the first stage.
If you are struggling with self-sabotage and would like therapeutic help, do get in touch. We have therapy rooms in Twickenham, Middlesex, and central London and can be flexible on dates and times. Visit our website to learn more about how we work and the therapies we offer.
10/01/2012 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling,
Massacre in Norway triggers lessons in bereavement, grief, trauma and mental health
The massacre in Norway raises many points about mental health, bereavement, grief and trauma.
Let’s look first at Anders Behring Breivik whose actions resulted in 76 people being killed or, as we write this, unaccounted for. While it might have been legally judicious for his lawyer to label Breivik “insane”, using that word says more about prejudice than it does about understanding mental health.
When people retreat from the norm – behaving anti-socially, whether by withdrawing from others or behaving inhumanely towards themselves or others – it is often because they feel out of kilter with the world, or misunderstood by it, or because they cannot manage their emotions. This is not a defence of Breivik’s behavour (clearly extreme and exceptional) but it is an example of what can happen if mental illnesses are not recognised, diagnosed or treated.
While the majority of our clients are well-informed and self-aware, mental illness remains a taboo. Talking about mental health issues with partners, family, friends – or with colleagues at work – is not something everyone has the chance or inclination to do. Keeping concerns private does not often lead to extremes of behaviour – but it can cause significant shifts in behaviour or personality, turning people in on themselves. And that could lead to self-harm, eating disorders, mis-using drugs or alcohol, an over-reliance on smoking; it could cause anxiety, panic, stress, phobias, sleep issues. It can also affect behaviour and performance at work and relationships. Anyone feeling they do not fit in, that others are against them, or that they cannot cope deserves support and encouragement. Yet, as our human instinct is often to shy away from exposing what we think of as private weaknesses or inadequacies, support is often hard to seek.
The Norwegian tragedy also shows how others can be affected, directly or indirectly.
We’ve heard about the guilt that some survivors of the incident feel – that they escaped his attention or were just of out range so they lived but others didn’t. There is anger at the police – for taking what the public considered too long to respond to the incident, and for not having the right means to get their fast. Many who witnessed the incident were immediately traumatised and may remain affected by the trauma for some time. Some parents felt relief on learning their child was safe, but their relief was tinged with sadness at others’ loss. We saw the tearful response of the King and Queen of Norway at the memorial service, shocked and saddened by the individual deaths and by what was the country’s biggest loss of life since the second world war. And we noted the stunned expression on the Norwegian prime minister’s face as he took control of the incident, balancing his emotions with his responsibilities to set a lead for the country and protect its reputation as a tourist destination.
Paramedics who reached the scene described the people they found as traumatised. Those paramedics are likely to have built up resilience that helps them manage their reactions to traumatic incidents but they might need continuing support to maintain that resilience.
And we’ve experienced our own reactions, at a distance from the incident, trying to make sense of it from our perspectives, with many of us reliving grief at lives lost years ago or recently.
All of these reactions are normal – grief is a complex emotion even when a death or loss occurs naturally and is expected. Sometimes it takes an extreme act for people to notice the extent of their own or others’ mental distress – and to give themselves permission to seek help to overcome it.
If this traumatic incident has triggered difficult emotions, changed behaviours, or reopened issues you thought were under control, do get in touch with us for professional, therapeutic support. We offer a range of therapies including EMDR (recognised by NICE as particularly effective for recovering from trauma), CBT, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and counselling - and often recommend a blend of therapies so each person receives the form of therapy that is best for them.
29/07/2011 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Psychodynamic therapy, Psychoanalytical therapy, Person-centred counselling, NLP, Integrative counselling, Hypnotherapy, Humanistic psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Existential counselling, EMDR, EFT, Counselling, CBT, Sensorimotor psychotherapy,
What is counselling?
To many people, the term “counselling” is a catch-all phrase, a generality that encompasses all the talking therapies without singling out any one form of therapy. This is not necessarily wrong – but counselling is also a talking therapy in its own right.
Many people have innate counselling skills – good friends, for example, who have a knack for listening to what you are saying, posing questions about what you have said and giving you a chance to consider your own thoughts. And so it is with a professionally-trained counsellor, with the essential element of being dispassionate, standing apart from what you are saying and posing more-searching questions without fear of risking a friendship or damaging a long-standing relationship.
A trained counsellor will also not give advice – many friends can’t resist doing so – although a professional counsellor is likely to suggest courses of action for you to consider and might also recommend exercises for you to do between sessions. Professional counsellors will also guarantee you time in private – so you can speak openly – as well as confidentiality – there is no chance of gossip between friends. The structure of formal sessions with a professional is also more beneficial than ad-hoc chats.
For many therapists, straightforward counselling is one of the first therapies they study. They then go on, as have our therapists, to study other forms of counselling, expanding their skills to provide a broader range of services. In our case, we offer a blend of therapies to suit each client, always first discussing options with the client before agreeing an approach.
This holistic approach is called integrative counselling.
Counselling helps people deal with and overcome challenging emotional experiences such as depression, relationship difficulties, redundancy, bereavement, low self-esteem, eating disorders, the rollercoaster that is parenthood, stress – anything that affects your emotional well-being.
In addition to counselling, the therapies we provide at our London therapy rooms are: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitisation reprocessing (EMDR), emotional freedom technique (EFT), existential counselling, Gestalt therapy, humanistic psychotherapy, hypno-birthing, hypnotherapy, integrative counselling, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), person-centred counselling, psychotherapy, psychoanalytical therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and sensorimotor psychotherapy.
There is more information about each of these therapies on the What we do section of our website.
If you would like to explore whether counselling for depression, or any other emotionally challenging issue, would be right for you – and which form of counselling is likely to have the greatest effect, do get in touch. We provide counselling in London in two locations : Twickenham and central London (on Oxford Street).
16/05/2011 | Posted in Counselling,
Eating disorders: What the statistics tell us
It’s not hard to find statistics on the Internet about eating disorders – but it is hard to find statistics that mean something to anyone who might be in the grip of an eating disorder, or to people who might be worried that a friend or family member might have an eating disorder. The information they are looking for is not just “so I’m not alone”; it is also “so what do I do about it?” and “how can I get help without others finding out?”.
That is because, for many people with an eating disorder, whether anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa or any other form or disordered-eating, a major part of the illness is a need to keep it secret. Finding reasons to eat alone (which means not eating alone) or not to eat when others are eating (perhaps saying they have already eaten and so aren’t hungry) provides them with the privacy to hide their illness as well as a method for staying in control. It is another unjust twist in this illness that makes people hope others will have gone public on their behalf so they can benefit – without disclosing any information themselves.
As for the statistics, is it reassuring, or worrying, to know that the number of people with an eating disorder only reflects known cases – in the context many people are not open about it and so won’t be counted in the stats? Does it help to know that the majority are young women (typically between the ages of 14 and 25) when you are an older woman (who might have had the illness for decades or weeks) or, indeed, a boy or man (roughly 10 per cent of all cases will be men)?
From a therapist’s point of view, the only statistic that matters is the person he or she is with at the time. To a therapist, this is not a numbers game; it is a serious issue with deep underlying causes, affecting that one person in the clinic right now. The therapist knows it can be overcome with therapy; his or her role is to find the best form of therapy for each individual. Everyone is different so, although there will be similarities in the generalities, the precise cause of the illness will be different for each person; the form of therapy will be specific to each person; the length of time the therapy will last will be specific to each person.
Trawling the web for facts is, however, important as it often indicates that the person looking realises that he or she needs professional help and support – and wants it. So, a second search through the web is often for information on eating disorder symptoms (for reassurance and confirmation) and then for an eating disorder clinic or a counsellor/therapist specialising in eating disorders. As always, and regardless of the underlying issue, it is important to choose a therapist who is well qualified and whose work follows professional guidelines – and who you can trust with your innermost thoughts, feelings and fears.
Our next post will look at the symptoms of eating disorders and the therapies that are most effective at helping people overcome their disordered-eating.
31/03/2011 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling,
When work doesn't work any more
With employment news hitting the headlines again it is appropriate to reflect on how people are affected when their jobs are at risk or when relationships – usually between those in charge and those who work for them – break down.
- Today, the army has told 38 people their jobs will end in 12
months’ time – and it has done so by email. The army’s assistant general chief
of staff and the government have apologised for the unacceptable way in which
they broke the news to the long-serving soldiers.
- This week, the RAF announced that about 50 of its trainee
pilots could face redundancy and that it will not take any new students next
year, ending the careers of people whose hopes seemed built on strong
foundations, and disappointing others who had seen a positive future.
- Throughout this month, widespread media coverage has been
given to the fact that the future of our libraries is at risk, potentially
putting thousands of librarians out of work.
- And, again this month, the long-running dispute at British
Airways filled more column inches when its recent ballot was declared unlawful,
creating more uncertainties for cabin crew whose jobs are under threat.
These high profile cases have attracted sympathy from the public; there is a collective understanding of the disappointment, frustrations and irritations those affected must feel. But, for most people whose jobs are unsatisfactory or at risk, or whose relationships at work have deteriorated, there is no guarantee of understanding from anyone; their bosses, colleagues, family, friends might be too preoccupied by their own work or home lives to provide support.
At work, the highs and lows reverse: when morale dips and motivation wanes, production falls and absenteeism rises. Diffidence increases, tensions heighten, commitment slumps. Managers might not be equipped to manage these new situations or ask for help; respect for them dissipates; their achievements come under closer scrutiny – they, too, struggle to keep up the pace.
The private lives of the people whose jobs are at risk might also fall apart creating tensions, conflict, stress, a withdrawal from normal life and perhaps a drift into risky behaviour.
Professional advice – coaching, counselling, mentoring, mediation, training – can help individuals, individually or in teams, by building confidence, inspiring people, reducing conflict. It can also create a business shift – providing strategic advice on workplace policies, building skills for handling difficult situations or people, devising policies and practices that engender focus, build confidence, strengthen leadership and reshape the corporate culture.
In all four examples highlighted above, professional support and advice could create huge positive shifts for the people - and for the organisations - involved.
15/02/2011 | Posted in Mediation, Counselling,
The Ashes - Achieving aspirations in a new year
“The best team won.” This is the overriding view of sports commentators, professional and amateur, throughout Australia after the British team retained The Ashes. Magnanimity in defeat is a quality that comes naturally to some and it is striking that it comes so easily in Australia (where coverage of their defeat has included fulsome praise for the British team) and to Australians (who seem to have a sunnier outlook than many Brits) even in the face of adversity. Sometimes it seems as if we, as a nation, find it hard to hide disappointment or acknowledge another country’s success against our own.
Finding a positive side, at home, at work and at leisure, can also seem impossible - yet doing so can help us get through difficulties with ease.
At work, decisions are made that contradict the wishes of many leaving some feel short-changed and, perhaps, a few feeling they can’t put up with their jobs any more. At home, disagreements over small things can turn minor issues into events that have enormous implications – perhaps splitting up relationships, severing contacts, changing lives. In down time in between, staying in control enough to cope with change can lead to an over-zealous approach to exercise, a compulsion to shop or clean, or a withdrawal from society.
Managing emotional reactions, improving performance and building resilience, can however be learned – with guidance from a professional.
Meanwhile, as a new year begins, many of us make new year’s resolutions that are founded more in hope than in experience - and that are bound to be unattainable.
Setting realistic goals – moving at an achievable pace, one step at a time – is more likely to lead to success, whatever the overall aim. Yet many of us reach first for the final outcome – the equivalent of winning The Ashes – forgetting that there are several steps – each Test – to go through before the outcome is known.
Professional therapeutic support can help you work out which steps to take, and how to pace them, to achieve your new year’s resolution so you can face 2011 with as much of a positive outlook as Australians have towards the future of their cricket achievements.
30/12/2010 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling,
Trauma leaves a legacy
Two inquests are currently dominating the news – reminding us that traumas leave an unpredictable legacy. It is impossible to know exactly how people will be affected by a trauma – and it is impossible to know exactly when its effects might emerge.
In the case of the 7/7 bombings in London in 2005, the inquest highlighted resentments and misunderstandings between specialists – ambulance, police and firefighting staff all had expectations of each other that went unfulfilled, leaving them all feeling blamed for others’ shortcomings. And it made those specialists relive their experiences – bringing some to tears in the witness stand.
As for the death of barrister Mark Saunders, killed in a siege in May 2008, a specialist firearms police officer is accused of playing a game with the evidence he gave at the inquest in September 2009.
What both these situations show is that it is important not just to support people’s mental and emotional health years after they have experienced a trauma; it is also important to help them develop resilience before they experience a trauma including by recognising when they might be vulnerable to pressures and stress, how those vulnerabilities might emerge, and when and how to seek help.
While it might not have been possible to predict a random bombing, it is possible to predict that police, firefighters, paramedics and ambulance staff will face traumas of some sort – and that they will react differently to them. With specialists such as firearms officers, it is possible to predict that some will behave oddly before, during or after a trauma, perhaps as a way of managing their anxieties, the overwhelming nature of their responsibilities, or the difficult decisions they had to make while under pressure.
It is not for us to pass judgement on the way the people involved in these two high-profile cases behaved during their traumas or afterwards – or to imply whether they are innocent or guilty. What we can say is that the way they behaved is entirely predictable, in an unpredictable kind of way, and that organisations can help their staff face, manage and recover from a trauma – if they take professional advice including from mental health specialists.
05/11/2010 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Stress at work
Today is Stress Awareness Day and MIND (a leading mental health charity) has just released research showing that millions of people take sickies to cope with stress at work – and that they lie to their bosses about the reasons for those sickies. I suspect that most of us have been in this position at some stage during our working life.
Taking a day off might help to some degree – giving you a chance to wind down, or up, or both, whichever is right for you – but it doesn’t solve the problem for the long term. The same pressures will continue; it takes corporate, not individual, action to change the level of stress at work.
For many organisations, facing up to the fact that stress is an issue can be hugely counter-cultural and intimidating. It is often the case that the people creating stress for others are under stress themselves – and they can be as reluctant to be honest about this to their bosses, as their staff are about being honest to them. The merry-go-round of stress goes merrily round with people at every level unable to stop and get off.
It doesn’t have to be like this. While a certain degree of stress is good for each of us – it drives us on, inspires us, encourages achievement, helps us aim high – an unmanageable level of stress can adversely affect individual and corporate performance. At the very least, it increases the number of sickies we take.
More and more organisations realise that they need policies to manage stress in the workplace. Some policies might be relatively easy to introduce (reducing noise, for example) but others require greater corporate effort (training leaders to recognise stress in themselves and others, and how to minimise or overcome it). Getting outside help, including to formulate and implement those policies, is one way for business leaders to reduce their own stress (delegating is an important stress-reliever) as well as the stress their staff feel – so everyone can concentrate on their own, and the business’s, success.
How did you cope on Stress Awareness Day?
03/11/2010 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Counselling for trauma
Counselling and psychotherapy are associated with traumatic events, but when someone thinks of examples of where it might be used they often think of dramatic happenings such as returning from war or witnessing a murder.
However, trauma can come from smaller incidents too. During a robbery at the Bookers Cash and Carry in Wrexham earlier this month, two members of staff on duty were threatened by the criminals. Although nobody was hurt during the ordeal, events such as this can be alarming for anybody. All staff members at the Felin Puleston Booker site have been offered counselling by the company. One patient from the site was taken to nearby Maelor Hospital with symptoms of shock. A Booker spokeswoman said:
"We take matters of security very seriously and are fully co-operating with the police who are now investigating the incident. No colleagues were hurt and all have been offered counselling."Psychotherapy and counselling are often used in matters such as this and the earlier the better. Sometimes clients do not even realise how they have been affected until months, or even years, later so it is better to be safe than sorry and take time out to examine how you might feel.
23/05/2009 | Posted in Counselling, Psychotherapy,
Counselling for our police officers
According to an article in the Express & Star, figures released to them under the Freedom of Information Act have shown that almost 1,000 police staff members in the West Midlands alone have had to take time off work citing stress as the cause in the last three years - with over half of these being front line officers.
Post-traumatic stress is something that perhaps we may expect our police force to suffer, given the things they have to see and do in their day-to-day work life. But other reasons given include depression and anxiety. The figures are from April 2006 to March 2009 and included 959 police force staff from the West Midlands police force, ranging from constables to operations centre offices and telephone operators. West Midlands police explained some of these absences were for external reasons, such as bereavement, and they have a counselling section to help staff.
A retired police superintendent John Mellor, aged 80, told the paper that counselling and psychotherapy didn’t happen in his day. He said:
“I understand that modern police officers like those in my day suffer from stress and it seems everything these days seems to be done to assist them. Back then when officers got sent to incidents such as murders or bad road accidents, which could be causes of stress, they didn’t seem to notice it.”As a nation, it seems we suffer from stress and related depression much more, perhaps because of the expectations of the society we live in and perhaps because of the publicity surrounding murders and bad road accidents we are more aware of the number. With therapies such as hypnotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and psychotherapy, a greater awareness of our feelings and early intervention, we can use the tools therapists have nowadays to help combat our problems.
22/05/2009 | Posted in CBT, Counselling, Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy,
Can psychotherapy save a marriage from divorce?
Whether or not psychotherapy and counselling can save a marriage from the brink of divorce is a question that many people tend to ask before making an appointment to see a therapist. According to one article in The Times earlier this month, the answer is yes.
The couple featured in the article were at the point of seeking a divorce. The wife had had an affair that she had ended and wanted to work through their problems but, naturally, mistrust had crept into the relationship. Over six weeks, the couple met with a therapist to discuss issues within their relationship, how to work out their problems and, 18 months later, the couple are happily together.
Asking for outside help can seem difficult for many couples and families, as you are involving a third party in what may be a private and emotional matter for each person. However, as this feature showed, sometimes counselling or psychotherapy can help to understand and survive something that may seem impossible to overcome. When it comes to the point of divorce, this is the make or break crunch point for a couple. If they really want to try to work things through, then there is often little to lose by trying counselling and, if it creates a stronger marriage, then surely it is worth the effort.
13/05/2009 | Posted in Counselling, Psychotherapy,
Are men more afraid of embarrassment than of phobia?
Most people have a fear of one thing or another. And a certain level of fear is perfectly healthy. However, when that fear starts to interfere with day-to-day life, or prevent someone from living a normal life, then that fear is generally known as a phobia.
Hypnotherapy is a very swift way of helping people manage their phobias - often in as little as just one session. And hypnotherapists see many people every week for a fear of one sort or another. The most common fear in the UK is of spiders (otherwise known as arachnophobia) but other common phobias include a fear of heights, needles, dogs or insects.
A few of the treatments available to cure phobias include counselling, hypnosis and psychotherapy. If you were to ask any therapist (whether psychotherapist, hypnotherapist or counsellor) most would say that they see more women than they do men. Is it possible that men are more embarrassed or afraid of being seen to be afraid that they are of their phobia? Or is it that men are less afraid of anything than women are?
Perhaps we will never know, but one thing is certain; phobias are nothing to be embarrassed about, whether you are man or woman. So, if there is a chance of curing a phobia in just one session and your phobia is impacting on your life, then you should make an appointment with a therapist.
09/05/2009 | Posted in Counselling, Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy,
How to spot a good psychotherapist
In the area of counselling and psychotherapy, there are around a hundred different codes of practice and complaints procedures in the UK. In recent years, there have been many attempts at working towards a central process for handling complaints but this was derailed last year, effectively ending the final goal of a national register for therapists. The vast majority of psychotherapists are genuine, however, the one or two bad eggs receive much publicity in the media and naturally give cause for concern to many clients who need counselling or psychotherapy services. So it is important to make sure that you feel comfortable with your psychotherapist and know what to look for. Here are a few pointers to watch out for:
- your psychotherapist or counsellor should welcome any questions and answer them openly and honestly.
- you should feel safe and secure at all times.
- everything in your session should be absolutely private and confidential.
- a good therapist should never judge you. At no point should a psychotherapist or counsellor ever react negatively to you, only therapeutically.
- take into account the psychotherapist’s qualifications and feel free to check them with the examining body.
There are actually few psychotherapists or counsellors who abuse the system, but by following these pointers you should be able to feel confident about your choice of therapist.
30/04/2009 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling,
CBT could cure insomnia
In a recent article we talked about the research done at the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University. Researchers involved in the study concluded that around five hours of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) could cure insomnia for most people.
CBT used in this research is based on psychological interventions encouraging the sufferers of insomnia to break their cycle of worry to sleepless nights and return to their normal sleeping patterns. The CBT methods start with using basic notes on what can promote sleep, so helping the sufferers avoid things like taking short naps in the daytime because they felt tired and encouraging them to start waking and going to bed at the same each day and night.
The therapy also included changing the sufferer’s habits to avoid caffeine, exercise or eating close to bedtime and teaching the sufferer how to relax, such as focusing themselves at night to avoid going over their day to day worries and problems.
CBT is known as a talking therapy, much like counselling or psychotherapy, and many people can feel quite cynical about it. However, the results are difficult to deny. This study showed 70 per cent of sufferers benefited greatly, including those who had been on sleeping pills for 20 years or so.
09/03/2009 | Posted in CBT, Counselling, Psychotherapy,
One month countdown to No Smoking Day
Just one month from now, on 11th March, it will be No Smoking Day and last year, over 1.2 million people made an attempt to give up smoking on No Smoking Day. All over the UK, various promotional items advertising No Smoking Day and the benefits of giving up smoking, both to the smoker and to those around them, are appearing in places like nurseries, health centres and more.
For those who really want to stop smoking, it is worth taking a few minutes to consider their reasons why.
The reasons you want to give up smoking are what can drive you and there is no real reason for you to wait another month before you quit. There are all sorts of ways to help you get motivated and keep off the cigarettes, including nicotine patches, counselling and of course hypnotherapy.
Quitting smoking is probably one of the most famous treatments that hypnosis is known for, as it has helped people to quit smoking for life after just one session. One of the keys to its success is the client's reasons for quitting. There is little point visiting a hypnotherapist to stop smoking if you don't really want to stop. If you are doing it to keep your partner or family quiet it is unlikely to work. Hypnosis can't make anyone make life changes that they really don't want to make so, if you really don't want to stop, it will be a waste of your money and the hypnotherapist's time. However, you do not have to believe in hypnotherapy for it to work. So, no matter how cynical you are of hypnotherapy, if you really want to quit smoking then hypnotherapy could be the answer to your prayers.
11/02/2009 | Posted in Counselling, Hypnotherapy,
Britain worries over finances
Website ReallyWorried.com shows the UK Worry Index, the resulting index devised from a survey of over 1400 people. According to this index, the global financial crisis means that the cost of living is now at the top of this UK's worries. The survey showed people are worrying more about money than they are about their health and drinking more than the previous year too, possibly in an effort to cope with worry.
Resorting to alcohol can breed more problems and this could be made worse as the survey showed 38 per cent bottle up their feelings. Talking about problems or looking at ways to change our patterns of thinking can really help and counsellors are finding that the credit crunch has meant an increase in the number of patients seeking help and solace from the stress.
Parents also worry their kids may become a victim of bullying. Youths aged from 16 to 24 worry the most as one in six apparently worries for around 12 hours a day. The worst day is Monday and after midnight is the time we worry the most.
Earlier this month The Sun quoted Phillip Hodson, a spokesperson for the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, as saying:
“It is alarming to realise from this research just how many people in Britain are chronic worriers. Worry is the central component of all anxiety disorders and most depression. Worry is the paralysing emotion that leaves us like rabbits trapped staring into the headlights. And it’s not only in the mind. The physical side of worry triggers a range of other symptoms from tics to indigestion and from obsessions to insomnia. “While it’s true that "born worriers" may never be cured, it is a darn sight more difficult to keep on worrying once you share your concerns with others who may already have found some good answers and who make you turn your fears into a realistic story with a beginning, a middle and, hopefully, a happy ending.”Counselling, psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy are great therapies to help cope with the stress and worry so it is unsurprising that therapists are seeing more people for help with their day to day lives.
15/01/2009 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Counselling and hypnotherapy
When a hypnotherapist undergoes training, a lot of what they learn comes from a wide range of counselling methods and techniques. Naturally, these skills include learning to listen properly and, in the case of hypnotherapy, listening well helps the hypnotherapist to understand what you want to gain from the hypnotherapist session, or sessions. A good hypnotherapist will form a good rapport with their client, build a working relationship where need be in the case of longer term hypnotherapy and be empathetic to your needs.
Gone are the old days of authoritarian hypnosis. Nowadays hypnotherapists have adapted to a more modern role and part of their role includes counselling methods. However, this does not mean that you should expect a hypnotherapist to use specific counselling methods as there is a wide range of methods available to them and a qualified hypnotherapist will be trained and qualified to help you feel comfortable, able to talk and enable you to feel confident about the hypnotherapy work you do to help you overcome your problem or issue. For many issues, hypnosis is a very quick technique and often just one or two sessions will be required but your hypnotherapist will be able to advise you on this.
04/12/2008 | Posted in Counselling, Hypnotherapy,
Blackpool man has hypnotherapy after acomplia
A Blackpool man was featured in the Blackpool Gazette recently as he told the paper how he had suffered suicidal thoughts after he had been prescribed a controversial weight loss diet drug, Acomplia, otherwise known as rimonabant. Gordon Pothecary came off the medication two months ago and, after reading of the worrying side effects in the papers this week, was shocked to discover the drug had been linked to suicide. The drug has now been banned in the UK.
Mr Pothecary, of Hornsey Avenue, said: "It did make me have suicidal thoughts. I would never have acted on them but it did make me think I would be better off not being here anymore. I felt I couldn't see a way out. I'd been taking another drug called Oralstat for about two-and-a-half months and I lost about 1.5lbs to 2lbs a month, but didn't suffer any side-effects. I went to see the nurse and she said they were changing my medication on to this new one. I lost about 12 or 13lbs in the first few months. It gradually got worse and worse, my stomach felt all tensed up, I was short-tempered. My moods were terrible. I would fly off the handle at the smallest things. All those side-effects I read about sounded very familiar: low mood, depression, anxiety, irritability, nervousness and I couldn't sleep."Mr Pothecary is now having hypnotherapy to help him to ease the symptoms and to get back to his old self and will shortly be starting counselling.
He commented: "After I came off it and started having hypnotherapy, I did feel better. Now I am gradually getting back to normal.”Hypnosis can help to ease both physical and mental symptoms and many people use it for weight loss.
04/11/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy, Counselling,
Helping children through a relationship breakdown
Earlier this month, The Sun newspaper wrote about the importance of children when parents are having personal relationship troubles. At times like these, children can be scarred, not only in terms of their memories as they get older but they can also carry these problems into adulthood. It can damage them and help prevent them from forming proper relationships with other family members, friends and even from finding the right sort of relationship with partners in the future.
When you are experiencing personal problems, you often feel low in confidence, tired – both physically and emotionally, and the last thing you might feel you can cope with is the additional pressure of coping with your children’s needs. However, how you handle your children now can affect the rest of their lives.
There are many ways that counselling or mediation can help, even with just a few simple and straightforward tips:
- Do not pretend that nothing is wrong. Tell them that you are not getting on but be sure to emphasise that it is you both love them (so long as that is true).
- Re-iterate constantly that it is not their fault.
- Ask how they feel.
- Tell the school what is going on.
- Do not blame your partner.
Family or partner counselling or mediation is not there necessarily to try to keep a failed relationship going, but it can also help you negotiate your way through the hurt to make necessary arrangements for dealing with your children and helping them through it too.
23/10/2008 | Posted in Counselling, Mediation,
Advice to find the right therapist for you
Yesterday we wrote about the importance of the client’s role in therapy and their rapport with their therapist. This view is emphasised in a new book by Professor Mick Cooper, of the University of Strathclyde, called Essential Research Findings in Counselling and Psychotherapy: The Facts are Friendly. His work is also supported by a group of colleagues including Barry Duncan, a highly regarded American psychologist. In 2004, they stated that:
"clients, not therapists, make therapy work".
Professor Cooper’s advice to those who are considering visiting a therapist is summarised below:
- ask therapists for any thoughts about why you may be facing your difficulties and what they believe may be able to help you. If your own thoughts radically conflict, then you might find it difficult to establish a good rapport;
- consider a therapist to help you concentrate on your own strengths. For instance, if you believe you are good at understanding the reasons behind your own behaviour, then choose a therapist who can help you develop these skills rather than one who prefers to focus on emotions or on the behaviour itself;
- be sure that you work with a therapist who you like and who makes you feel respected. A good working relationship is an important factor in therapy, whether that is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or psychology.
After all, the best indicator of the outcome of your treatment is how much you can actively involve yourself and this is more likely with a good working relationship.
22/10/2008 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Can psychotherapy be regulated?
Earlier this month, there was much talk in the media about the government’s new proposals to regulate all talking therapies, including psychotherapy. This would not just be for NHS-funded therapies, but they propose to regulate every therapist in the UK. The government would like the Health Professionals Council to govern all therapies. Many professional bodies say it will be unworkable and are furious at the plans. The College of Psychoanalysts said:
“Under proposed new government guidelines, most forms of psychoanalysis could become illegal.”
As Lord Alderdice (the NHS psychiatrist who introduced the private member's bill for state regulation back in 2001) put it, any prescriptive code of skills or techniques is unlikely to be appropriate as the relationship between the 100,000 therapists in Britain and their clients is unique. Few therapists agree on anything, but one thing that is usually agreed upon is that one form of treatment is rarely correct and should be ‘imposed’. The reasons for looking into regulation are fair enough. Most therapists, including psychotherapists, take a complaint to their governing body seriously, however, many consumers are unsure of to whom they should complain if they have a query. It is certainly more difficult to regulate psychotherapy than other therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) where it is a quick therapy, easy to teach and easy to evaluate (you are either cured of a phobia or not). Psychotherapy is much more difficult to regulate. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy believes regulation in today’s society is essential.
“But,” says Philip Hodson, its chief spokesman, “we have been told that it will be regulated by the HPC and if that is the price of regulation then so be it. I understand the disquiet of therapists, but there are some who argue that there should never be regulation of talking therapists. It is as if we are some kind of super-profession, fit to be our own judge and jury.”
20/08/2008 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Psychoanalytical therapy, Counselling, CBT,
Are we handling depression incorrectly?
An article in the Daily Mail last week talked about how using the wrong drugs could actually be causing depression rather than helping it. There has been some concern in the media recently that family doctors diagnose depression too easily - for example when we feel tired and find it hard to get out of bed in the morning.
According to a new book by Professor Jane Plant, a London University College scientist, called Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression, many of the two million people in the UK who take antidepressants are actually misdiagnosed.
"A study by an American psychiatrist found that more than 10 per cent of patients diagnosed with mental illness are actually suffering from an underlying physical condition, such as a heart murmur or a mineral deficiency such as calcium or magnesium that causes depression-like symptoms," says Professor Plant.
Many believe that, within the NHS, there is too much emphasis on a one size fits all approach and feel that other methods should be taken into consideration, such as using alternatives where possible: counselling, psychotherapy and other forms of stress management.
For example, many people suffering from anxiety react well to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) as this looks at their existing patterns of behaviours and triggers and trains them to react and think differently, so they can avoid anxiety at different situations. CBT is often combined with relaxation therapies, such as hypnotherapy, to make it even more effective. It's also a relatively quick therapy and there is no need for drugs.
However, even the alternative treatments should be considered for individual cases. For example, CBT would not be as helpful for someone with post-natal depression as this is considered a hormonal issue and is best treated by support, counselling or psychotherapy where needed. We live in a nation where we are sometimes too hasty to turn to drugs, our doctors are overworked and alternative treatments and therapies are often still overlooked by many.
16/06/2008 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
