The news that Wimbledon High School for Girls, one of the country’s top independent schools, is holding a Failure Week brings neatly into focus what many of us feel about failure. It has a knack of hanging around in our minds far more than do our successes. And many of us see failure only in negative terms
Yet, without failure as a comparison, how would we know what success was? And if we didn’t, as the school suggests we should, take calculated risks would we spend our lives wishing we had done differently, hearing that persistent internal refrain “if only” echoing in our ears?
Building resilience – which includes developing a way of managing our feelings about failure – is an essential life skill. Everyone is likely to face numerous setbacks and knocks in their personal and professional lives – in families, amongst friends or in business relationships – which affect not only those relationships but also their behaviour, self-esteem and confidence. Their feelings about failure might also cause anxiety, worry or depression; it might increase their fears; or lead to irritability, mood swings or insomnia.
What would happen, though, if you were to reframe failure, or setbacks, as feedback? You tried something; it didn’t go as hoped; the result was that you learned why it didn’t work – gaining valuable insights that can guide you towards approaching challenges differently. Looking at some simple examples:
- at school: not passing an exam also indicates what you are better at or that one way of revising is better than another;
- at home: not achieving everything on your weekend to-do list could be a sign that some things are unimportant and should rightfully be dropped;
- at work: not winning new business or losing a client provides a chance to identify strengths, show where training would reduce weaknesses, improve internal processes, or build dynamic teams.
As the headmistress of Wimbledon High School says, it is “acceptable, and completely normal, not to succeed at times in life”. She wants to encourage her pupils to be courageous and learn the positives that come from failures.
We agree. Many people define themselves by their perceived failures rather than viewing them simply as part of life’s learning or refining process. By actively encouraging people to see their failures differently, whether at school, at home or at work, they might be able to expand their capacity for growth and resilience instead of being limiting by the negatives.
If you would like to learn how to build resilience, through counselling or therapy, so you can face failure from a different viewpoint, do get in touch.
08/02/2012 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
With employment news hitting the headlines again it is appropriate to reflect on how people are affected when their jobs are at risk or when relationships – usually between those in charge and those who work for them – break down.
- Today, the army has told 38 people their jobs will end in 12
months’ time – and it has done so by email. The army’s assistant general chief
of staff and the government have apologised for the unacceptable way in which
they broke the news to the long-serving soldiers.
- This week, the RAF announced that about 50 of its trainee
pilots could face redundancy and that it will not take any new students next
year, ending the careers of people whose hopes seemed built on strong
foundations, and disappointing others who had seen a positive future.
- Throughout this month, widespread media coverage has been
given to the fact that the future of our libraries is at risk, potentially
putting thousands of librarians out of work.
- And, again this month, the long-running dispute at British
Airways filled more column inches when its recent ballot was declared unlawful,
creating more uncertainties for cabin crew whose jobs are under threat.
These high profile cases have attracted sympathy from the public; there is a collective understanding of the disappointment, frustrations and irritations those affected must feel. But, for most people whose jobs are unsatisfactory or at risk, or whose relationships at work have deteriorated, there is no guarantee of understanding from anyone; their bosses, colleagues, family, friends might be too preoccupied by their own work or home lives to provide support.
At work, the highs and lows reverse: when morale dips and motivation wanes, production falls and absenteeism rises. Diffidence increases, tensions heighten, commitment slumps. Managers might not be equipped to manage these new situations or ask for help; respect for them dissipates; their achievements come under closer scrutiny – they, too, struggle to keep up the pace.
The private lives of the people whose jobs are at risk might also fall apart creating tensions, conflict, stress, a withdrawal from normal life and perhaps a drift into risky behaviour.
Professional advice – coaching, counselling, mentoring, mediation, training – can help individuals, individually or in teams, by building confidence, inspiring people, reducing conflict. It can also create a business shift – providing strategic advice on workplace policies, building skills for handling difficult situations or people, devising policies and practices that engender focus, build confidence, strengthen leadership and reshape the corporate culture.
In all four examples highlighted above, professional support and advice could create huge positive shifts for the people - and for the organisations - involved.
15/02/2011 | Posted in Mediation, Counselling,
Thanks to the popularity of complementary therapies, hypnotherapy is considered a popular profession and therefore quite lucrative. With the recession and redundancies, many people are looking for a new career and it is expected that the recession will show an increase in the number of hypnotherapists as people see it as a way to retrain to a new profession. Naturally, there is nothing wrong with this, however, when you want to see a qualified hypnotherapist to help you overcome your phobia, increase your confidence, quit smoking, lose weight or any of a wide number of issues that hypnotherapy can successfully help you with, you want to make sure that who you are dealing with is both properly trained and qualified. It is important therefore to use a hypnotherapist you are comfortable with.
Seeing a hypnotherapist in their home is not something everyone is comfortable with and this is why many people choose to go to a company that employs hypnotherapists for this sort of work, provides the therapy rooms and also completes the proper checks on a hypnotherapist. There is little regulation in the UK and anybody can set themselves up as a hypnotherapist. It is therefore important that you seek ease of mind by using a hypnotherapist who has done a certain number of hours training, continues to train and keep up to date and has had the proper checks done.
06/04/2009 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,
Former Spice Girl singer, Mel B, is having hypnotherapy to help her get over stage fright, according to recent reports in the media. Mel B is due to start a new production, Peepshow, in Las Vegas next month and is reportedly having trouble with her stage nerves and has hired a hypnotherapist to help her get over them. Thirty-three year old Mel said:
"I'm getting hypnosis. I'm seeing a guy called Anthony Cool, who performs a show at Vegas too. I'm doing this just in case I get any last-minute nerves - you know, in case I can't remember the lyrics or the moves. He's going to hypnotise me as soon as I get there."Hypnotherapy is hypnosis used for therapeutic purposes, and stage nerves is just one of the fears or problems that hypnosis can help with. Confidence, stage fright, motivation, getting rid of phobias or habits, such as smoking, are just a few examples of where hypnotherapy has been known to help. Hypnotherapy is also known for being a fast therapy and often people only need only one or two sessions to get rid of everyday phobias or habits.
21/03/2009 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,
As regular readers will know, hypnotherapy is a powerful tool using hypnosis for therapeutic purposes. But many people still associate hypnotherapy with stopping smoking and curing fears and that is it.
Hypnotherapy can be used for so many different things that the list is almost endless and hypnotherapists are finding new uses for it all the time. It can be used for almost any problem or situation where the body and the mind both come into play. Here are just a few of the issues that hypnotherapy has been used to help:
- sports – improving performance, anxiety, coaching, overcoming concentration problem, increasing focus, motivation;
- business – stress management, assertiveness, motivation and direction, problem solving and communication, public speaking, confidence;
- education – increasing concentration and focus, improving memory, exam nerves, study techniques;
- personal – increasing confidence or self-esteem, curing phobias and fears (whether of spiders, flying, heights, thunderstorms), anxiety and depression, insomnia, habits, addictions and other unwanted behaviour (nail biting, bedwetting, smoking, alcohol, drugs), sexual or relationship issues, eating disorders, shyness and blushing, pain management;
- health - chronic pain, hypno-birthing, IBS, snoring, dermatitis, asthma, nausea from pregnancy or chemotherapy.
Hypnotherapy promotes better health, well being and better life. For years, it was helped thousands of people in their every day lives.
22/09/2008 | Posted in Hypno-birthing,
Star of BBC's What Not To Wear programme, Lisa Butcher, started writing a new column in The Sun from July. In the column, Lisa talks about how she used cognitive hypnotherapy to help to boost her confidence when she first started working in front of the camera. Lisa said:
"When I started work on What Not To Wear at the BBC, the clothes I wore were important, but that was not enough to give me the confidence I needed. I discovered a solution in cognitive hypnotherapy/ neuro-linguistic programming... I went to two sessions and that was enough to build up my strengths and deal with my anxieties."Hypnotherapy is generally acknowledged as being more effective when combined with cognitive behavioral therapy. As Lisa discovered, it is very effective and results can be achieved in very few sessions. Hypnotherapy is ideal for use with anxiety, confidence, stress or relaxation issues, insomnia, and many fears and phobias. As we have talked about in our earlier articles, many hypnotherapists offer a free consultation to give clients the opportunity to ask any questions they may have prior to a session.
01/08/2008 | Posted in NLP, Hypnotherapy, CBT,
Everyone is aware of using hypnosis to help them quit smoking, increase confidence, release their fears or lose weight. If you think about all these different effects, they are all changes to your life. Ultimately, you need motivation to make a change or you wouldn't change.
However, even with motivation, even with wanting to change, change is not easy.
Hypnotherapy helps with motivating you to change - from the inside, really motivating your unconscious self so that it is easy to make that change. You may need motivation for other changes, so think of all the things hypnosis can help with simply by focussing on your motivation for the task in hand. You might need motivation to set up your own business or to work on a particular task at work. Hypnosis will focus your mind and help you to concentrate.
You can only work on one change at a time - to help your unconscious mind to absorb the changes you need.
Hypnosis helps remove those littles voices in your head that stop you from achieving your goal. Voices saying things like "you don't deserve it", "you're not good enough", "you have no time" and more - you will know which unhelpful phrases you hear yourself say to yourself.
Don't let a lack of motivation stop you getting or doing what you want in life.
31/07/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,
Hypnotherapy is known for helping with many fears and phobias such as of spiders or heights. However, it can also help with things like a fear of public speaking.
Many people may think that this is just the same as helping someone to build up their confidence. However, there are many confident people out there who would tell you that they have or had a fear of public speaking. Some get through it simply by forcing themselves and, with time and practice, they improve and feel better about it so the fear dissipates.
However, some simply cannot and will not speak in public. They may experience physical symptoms such as shaking, sweaty palms or a nervous voice, some may even throw up, so what do you do in this circumstance? Simply avoiding public speaking can be impossible, particularly in work situations. Such a fear can hold you back from getting on at work, possibly even preventing promotion. Hypnotherapy can help.
Hypnotherapy is a very quick and effective therapy and, when combined with a therapy such as CBT, its chances of success are very high. Using hypnosis, it is possible to break old habits and patterns of behaviour that seem impossible to solve.
21/07/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,
For those who saw Celebrity Love Island, it was painful to watch as 27 year old Atomic Kitten's blonde bombshell Liz McClarnon competed with fellow celebrities Lady Isabella Hervey and Rebecca Loos in competitive weigh ins.
According to Liz, she was not short of self confidence but the competitive weigh ins left her feeling humiliated and self conscious. Liz told Now Magazine:
"I was uncomfortable the whole time and hunched my shoulders to hide my body. When I got home and saw the pictures, I knew I had to do something. It wasn't just my weight that bothered me, but my lack of confidence. I didn't want to be that hunched, shy girl."Liz turned to her mum, a qualified hypnotherapist, for help and to stop her old junk food addiction. Before the hypnosis, Liz said she used to eat lots of chocolate and around four packets of crisps each day. She said that after just the one hypnotherapy session, her food habits started to change and it was easy to do so. The hypnotherapy helped her to lose more than one stone and she has now dropped from a size 12 to a svelte size 8 figure. Hypnotherapy can really help with weight loss as it can help you to change old habits.
08/07/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,