When is failure a success?
The news that Wimbledon High School for Girls, one of the country’s top independent schools, is holding a Failure Week brings neatly into focus what many of us feel about failure. It has a knack of hanging around in our minds far more than do our successes. And many of us see failure only in negative terms
Yet, without failure as a comparison, how would we know what success was? And if we didn’t, as the school suggests we should, take calculated risks would we spend our lives wishing we had done differently, hearing that persistent internal refrain “if only” echoing in our ears?
Building resilience – which includes developing a way of managing our feelings about failure – is an essential life skill. Everyone is likely to face numerous setbacks and knocks in their personal and professional lives – in families, amongst friends or in business relationships – which affect not only those relationships but also their behaviour, self-esteem and confidence. Their feelings about failure might also cause anxiety, worry or depression; it might increase their fears; or lead to irritability, mood swings or insomnia.
What would happen, though, if you were to reframe failure, or setbacks, as feedback? You tried something; it didn’t go as hoped; the result was that you learned why it didn’t work – gaining valuable insights that can guide you towards approaching challenges differently. Looking at some simple examples:
- at school: not passing an exam also indicates what you are better at or that one way of revising is better than another;
- at home: not achieving everything on your weekend to-do list could be a sign that some things are unimportant and should rightfully be dropped;
- at work: not winning new business or losing a client provides a chance to identify strengths, show where training would reduce weaknesses, improve internal processes, or build dynamic teams.
As the headmistress of Wimbledon High School says, it is “acceptable, and completely normal, not to succeed at times in life”. She wants to encourage her pupils to be courageous and learn the positives that come from failures.
We agree. Many people define themselves by their perceived failures rather than viewing them simply as part of life’s learning or refining process. By actively encouraging people to see their failures differently, whether at school, at home or at work, they might be able to expand their capacity for growth and resilience instead of being limiting by the negatives.
If you would like to learn how to build resilience, through counselling or therapy, so you can face failure from a different viewpoint, do get in touch.
08/02/2012 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Counselling, CBT,
Blackpool man has hypnotherapy after acomplia
A Blackpool man was featured in the Blackpool Gazette recently as he told the paper how he had suffered suicidal thoughts after he had been prescribed a controversial weight loss diet drug, Acomplia, otherwise known as rimonabant. Gordon Pothecary came off the medication two months ago and, after reading of the worrying side effects in the papers this week, was shocked to discover the drug had been linked to suicide. The drug has now been banned in the UK.
Mr Pothecary, of Hornsey Avenue, said: "It did make me have suicidal thoughts. I would never have acted on them but it did make me think I would be better off not being here anymore. I felt I couldn't see a way out. I'd been taking another drug called Oralstat for about two-and-a-half months and I lost about 1.5lbs to 2lbs a month, but didn't suffer any side-effects. I went to see the nurse and she said they were changing my medication on to this new one. I lost about 12 or 13lbs in the first few months. It gradually got worse and worse, my stomach felt all tensed up, I was short-tempered. My moods were terrible. I would fly off the handle at the smallest things. All those side-effects I read about sounded very familiar: low mood, depression, anxiety, irritability, nervousness and I couldn't sleep."Mr Pothecary is now having hypnotherapy to help him to ease the symptoms and to get back to his old self and will shortly be starting counselling.
He commented: "After I came off it and started having hypnotherapy, I did feel better. Now I am gradually getting back to normal.”Hypnosis can help to ease both physical and mental symptoms and many people use it for weight loss.
04/11/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy, Counselling,
New study reports hypnotherapy can help arthritis sufferers
The findings of a study from Bangor University were presented on 11th September 2009 to The British Psychological Society's division of health psychology annual conference. It stated that people suffering from arthritis can alleviate their pain by using hypnotherapy and mental imagery.
Rheumatoid arthritis is progressive and a disabling disease affecting just under one per cent of the adult population in the UK. It is very painful and can affect a person’s ability to do everyday tasks. Despite medical treatment, many still suffer with high pain levels and often turn to alternative treatment - including hypnotherapy - to lessen their fatigue and pain.
The study from Bryan Bennett and colleagues at Bangor University asked 42 patients to visualise their pain and attempt to manage it. The results showed that the imagery techniques and hypnosis were effective at reducing pain and tiredness. Bryan Bennett commented:
"All the participants were asked to identify what areas of their life were important to them but were negatively affected due to the rheumatoid arthritis. By doing so they were taking an active part in their own therapy. By employing the techniques they were taught, they were able to self-treat when necessary - allowing them to control their pain and enabling them to get on with enjoying life".
Pain is not the only side-effect of arthritis. The diagnosis itself can be devastating, leading to people feeling many negative emotions such as anger and depression. This in turn can lead to insomnia, mood issues and a lack of appetite. Furthermore, many wonder what their future may be like, and what medication they'll require, and this can lead to losing the self-image they have held of themselves.
Techniques such as visualisation and positive affirmations are effective, as is self-hypnosis as it helps to focus your mind on your body and immune system. A good hypnotherapist will be able to teach you self hypnosis techiques so you can then continue to use it at home.
17/09/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy,
CBT for menopause depression
Depression is notoriously difficult to deal with, and even diagnose, according to recent media reports. Some symptoms of depression include:
- lack of motivation
- inability to concentrate
- feeling sad
- feeling hopeless
- mood swings
These symptoms are also symptoms experienced by women going through the menopause. CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is a way of learning to cope with depression and has been used by many women to help them cope with the menopause. CBT is a way of teaching and learning new habits and behaviours and these new habits and behaviours can be used to help stem the depression and feelings of sadness. CBT can also help teach people how to communicate better with others. A feeling of being misunderstood can be a contributory factor to depression so this can also help patients overcome their depression.
05/08/2008 | Posted in CBT,
Symptoms of depression
Depression is more common than you might think, however, it is also often misdiagnosed when people feel down or are going through a tough period in their lives. Here is a list of common depression symptoms. Many people do not experience them all but if you have a few of these it might be worth seeking some help. Depression does not always mean treatment through medication. Often, other therapies can also help, such as psychotherapy, CBT or hypnotherapy.
- Low mood almost all day, every day
- Loss of interest or enjoyment in activities you normally like
- Feeling weepy, bursting into tears uncontrollably
- Feeling guilty, worthless or useless a lot of the time
- Lack of motivation, even for the simple thing sin life
- Lack of concentration, even to watch tv, read or work
- Lack of sleep or waking up early and unable to get back to sleep
- Lack of energy, always tired
- Going off sex and affection
- Poor appetite resulting in weight loss
- Too much appetite resulting in weight gain
- Often irritable, restless and agitated
- Symptoms are generally worse in the mornings
- Physical symptoms such as more frequent headaches, chest pain or general aches
- Preoccupation with death or suicide, thinking about it a lot
18/07/2008 | Posted in Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, CBT,
Cognitive behavioural therapy
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, otherwise known as CBT, is a form of psychotherapy most effective in a face to face consultation with a therapist. It is a form of counselling based upon individual assumptions, beliefs and behaviours and modifying those by developing new behaviour. The technique is easily adaptable to individual clients by identifying key areas, associated feelings and thoughts. It is commonly used in conjunction with relaxation methods and distraction techniques.
For this reason, it is an ideal therapy to combine with something like hypnotherapy. By doing this, the client gets the advantages of both therapies. Hypnotherapy, when combined with cognitive behavioural therapy, is incredibly effective and many clients feel the benefit after as little as just one single session. The use of hypnotherapy and CBT separately have both been shown to work very well with children and adolescents as well. CBT is commonly used for anxiety disorders, mood problems, trauma and post traumatic stress disorder. Cognitive behavioural therapy can also be used as a stand alone therapy if necessary.
11/06/2008 | Posted in Hypnotherapy, CBT,
